Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
