guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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