i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if only i could text you this smell
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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