I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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