i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
