I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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