I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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