you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize