I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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