Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize