Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
