Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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