do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
