Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
