I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
