I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
