Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
