so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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