How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
