I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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