He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
