I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I just sharted jello shots
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
