we're blogging at a bar
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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