The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
