i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
