You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
