Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
