I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
