Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
