Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
