weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
