and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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