If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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