Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
