She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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