Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
God, I missed his penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
