if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
