Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
