I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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