operation have a gay friend backfired
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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