Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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