he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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