just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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