You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
