You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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