omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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