I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
do nipples grow back?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
