i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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