In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
