no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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