never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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