after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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