Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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