I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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