There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
