i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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