There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
