Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
