It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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