Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
