he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
