Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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