Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
